For This Child I Prayed

Any day now. Any day now we will be welcoming our little boy into the world. A huge part of me is ready for this to happen now. My physical body is in pain. I have a hard time walking, squatting, and standing for very long. Sleep is a precious gift that eludes me. Physically, I am ready to have this baby. I am SO tired of being pregnant. 

But there’s also a considerable part of me that wants to keep this baby inside my belly forever. To prolong the inevitable. And that’s the part of me I’m trying to come to terms with. It isn’t that I’m dreading the sleepless nights with a newborn or those exhausting and often difficult first few weeks. With enough coffee and chocolate I can survive that. 

I wrote the lines above at 7:45 AM on June 16, eight days before my due date. I didn't finish the post. My daughter woke up. Our day got started. We had to make the 50 mile drive to the midwife's office that afternoon. After the exam she informed me that I was only dilated to 1 cm and this baby would probably not make his arrival for another 1-2 weeks. Ugh. I sent messages to everyone letting them know that the baby's arrival was still a ways out.

I was more than a little disappointed at that news and proceeded to emotionally eat an entire bag of Sheila G's Brownie Brittle. Have you tried that stuff? AH-mazing! But honestly, eating 500 calories of chocolate deliciousness did little to help me feel any better. I felt like my body was failing me. Or maybe I was the one failing. I wasn't sure which but I felt helpless.

After my chocolate covered pity party I decided I had better get on with my day. Back at home I started feeling really crampy from the midwife's exam so I decided to take it easy. Throughout dinner, the cramps just got worse and on our evening walk there were moments I was in so much pain I had to lean over the stroller. Still, I was positive this was just a reaction to the exam since I hadn't had one since 35 weeks.

By six o'clock I was pretty sure I was having contractions but come on, the midwife had told me just hours ago that I wasn't close to going into labor. They must be Braxton Hicks, I thought, but still I decided to make another lap around the neighborhood and call the midwife. It was 7 PM at that point. The midwife confirmed that they were likely BH especially since they weren't following any pattern, coming as close as a minute and a half apart and only lasting for 30 seconds on average. I was instructed to drink a ton of water and lay down - maybe take a warm bath - and the contractions should stop.

My sleepy little girl and I after getting checked in at the hospital

I drank my water and laid down for about five minutes. That was long enough for me to know this was real labor. Have I mentioned that my husband has yet to pack a bag for the hospital? (To be honest, I had only packed mine that morning). He's fumbling around trying to get his things together and I'm getting pretty panicky. Oh yeah, we live almost an hour away from the hospital. My contractions were coming every 3 minutes at that point and, call me crazy but I really didn't want to deliver my child on the side of I-10.

I think my husband secretly loved driving 80+ MPH down the interstate into town. He managed to get me to the hospital in under 45 minutes. Yep, this baby was coming. And soon. Once I got put in a room and changed into my hospital gown, it was a little after 9 PM and I was already dilated to a 7.

The contractions were like nothing I had experienced with my first labor. These were intense, extremely painful and seemed to follow no pattern. It was like the contraction never fully stopped. I had no relief and in between peaks I was afraid to even move because anything would trigger another contraction. I felt a little out of control but my wonderful husband and midwife kept me focused. Everything got a little blurry there toward the end but by 10:55 PM, I was holding our sweet baby boy - Hudson.

Born at 10:55 PM. Weighing 7 lbs. 12.2 oz. and 19.5" long.

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him."

1 Samuel 1:27

I Cannot Handle This

Last October we found out we were expecting another baby. While we were happy to be adding another member to the family, the news was a bit of a shock. We really weren’t expecting to get pregnant at that time and the news came only two days after my mother-in-law passed away from ovarian cancer. It was hard to be excited about anything in the midst of our grief. 

Then, less than 2 weeks later, I was helping my husband around the house when I felt severe pain and pressure in my abdomen. The pain lasted about 10 minutes before the bleeding started. I felt in my heart that we were losing the baby. I was having a miscarriage. My husband called the midwife’s office only to find out there wasn’t really anything we could do. They estimated that I would be about 6 weeks along and scheduled me for an ultrasound a week and a half later. The cramping and bleeding lasted throughout the day and friends came to help out around the house so I could get some rest. 

That week and a half before seeing the midwife was a very confusing 10 days. I wavered between sadness, relief and guilt. Sometimes I was overcome with sadness. I didn’t know why this was happening to us so soon after losing my mother-in-law. I didn’t understand why God would add to our family’s grief. Other times, I felt relief because I didn’t know if I was really ready to have another baby and then I felt guilty for even thinking that way. It was difficult to process emotionally. 

After a few days, I started feeling very sick - morning sicking kinda sick. This only added to my emotional confusion. From what I read online, it was possible to still experience symptoms of pregnancy even after a miscarriage. I didn’t know what was happening but I had a renewed hope and a faith that this baby was going to ok. 

Sure enough, on November 7, an ultrasound showed a healthy, viable, 7 week old baby. The midwife still isn’t sure what caused the pain, contractions and bleeding but she didn’t see any reason to be concerned (or maybe she didn’t want to freak me out any more than I already was). 

Here we are seven long, difficult months later and we are expecting our baby boy to join us by the end of next month. Our miracle baby. Exciting, right? But can I be honest with you for a minute? There are still times I’ve wondered to myself if this was the best outcome, if I am ready, if I can handle two kids at this point in my life. And, you know what? I can say with certainty that I am not ready. I cannot handle this. There will be rough days, months, years ahead of us just as there have been with my daughter. Thankfully, my strength comes above and not from within or we would be in a lot of trouble! 

Not Home Yet

We closed on the sale of our house only hours before one of the worst floods our area has ever seen. I was so consumed with packing and moving and getting someplace for the night that I didn’t really know what was happening around me. Within hours some people in my hometown had water up to their rooflines, people were taking shelter in their attics, cars were being swept away in currents, rescue boats were going into neighborhoods and workers were cutting holes in roofs to get people out. The Gulf Coast has had it’s share of weather related catastrophes but we’re talking hurricanes not torrential downpours in April. It has left many in the area financially and emotionally devastated.

I have tried to keep this in mind over the past week because I’ve found myself getting down on my circumstances. Yes, we successfully sold our house (yay!), but our new one (that was supposed to be finished mid-April) still has weeks to go before completion. We are staying with a dear couple who has given us access to a wonderful garage apartment with more luxuries than many have. We have plenty of room for the three of us, a little kitchenette, a memory foam mattress, and cable TV (my daughter thinks having 24/7 access to Mickey Mouse is about the best thing on earth). It truly is a blessing to be here but I still find myself getting discouraged and anxious. I long to get into our new house and to be able to turn it into our home. I long for the rest that I will experience when I sleep in my own bed. I long to move from this temporary phase to a more permanent one. 

And that’s when I’m reminded that this is all temporary. As Christians we are all stuck in the waiting room. We are all longing for home. It may not be a recognizable yearning of your heart but it’s there - that feeling that there is more than this. And let me tell you, I am so glad there is! 

Focus on Freebies: The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle

Sale ends at tonight at 11:59 PM. Do you want to purchase the bundle but don't currently have the funds? Scroll down to see the details of the Pay in May offer which allows you to pre-order your bundle.

By now, you've heard me rave about the books included in the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle but did you know that the bundle also includes over $200 in bonuses? And these are incredible bonuses that alone are worth the $29.97 to purchase the bundle. 

Focus on Health & Wellness: The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle

Today I want to share a recipe with you from the book "My Simple Healthy Life" by Tammie Nelson. This is one of the three books in the Health & Wellness section of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle. (Check out the other 75+ books and resources that are included for only $29.97.)  The book is a "minimalist approach to herbal remedies, beauty & natural cleaning." It's got a recipe for elderberry syrup that is a lifesaver in helping beat the flu. There are instructions for making mascara (!), all-natural deodorant, and lip balm. In addition to that, there is a great section on DIY natural cleaning.

Focus on Marriage: The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle

Since today is my anniversary I thought I would focus on the Marriage themed books that are included in the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle. 

There are 5 e-books about marriage that are specifically geared toward being a Godly wife:

• 31 Days to Build a Better Spouse by Ashley @ LIFE by Ashley Pichea ($7.99)
• Spend the next 31 days praying for your spouse and discover the power of prayer to transform your marriage!

Not a Fight

Today I celebrate 4 years of marriage to my husband. I can't say that these have been 4 perfectly, wonderful years. Honestly, they have been the hardest years of my life. We have gone through a lot of dark places. We have faced the death of a parent and a grandparent. We have had 2 incredibly sleep-deprived, stressful years since our daughter was born. We have fought the dark and scary places that resulted from postpartum depression. We have struggled with the physical pain and emotional ups and downs of this second pregnancy. We have stressed about living arrangements, finances and parenting.